Beef, Morogo and Phaleche!

Quick edit: 

I have learned a lot about food in the past few weeks. 

1. Batswana do know how to cook beef they just prefer it tough. 

2. The reason there is a bone in every piece of meat you get is because they like the connective tissue. It's like a treat. 

3. There is still an amazing amount of culture that surrounds the preparation of big meals (weddings, funerals, when the president decides at the last moment to come visit your district). I helped women cook 300 dipap this past weekend and it was so much fun! The women cook the bread and all the sides, the men cook the meat. This is what I have learned. 

I am literally learning new things every day here. Things I thought I knew turn out to be assumptions I made. I am 7.5 months in and still a baby when it comes to this culture. 

So here it is, the number one most requested post… Food.

The reason I have been avoiding this subject is not that I don't want to write about it, it's more because I don't know how to write about it. So Botswana is one of the most interesting places I have been in terms of food. It's not because there is this wonderful food culture with vibrant colors and flavors and a wonderful street food culture. No, it's not that. It's the exact opposite of that. There is no food culture here. I can tell you what people eat for every meal, every day, all year. It does't really change. The only thing that mildly differs is the kind of starch that goes with the meat and the spices they use (which don't vary that much to be honest). The food isn;t bad at all and in fact, I actually enjoy it. It's just that there isn't much variation of culture surrounding food. That being said, 

Typical Setswana meal:

• Extra large portion of starch- this can be a variety of different things from a porridge made of sorghum (with either sour milk or regular milk), phaleche (corn meal and water that is cooked until it's basically rubber. It's almost like grits... except not at all), or on very rare occasions, rice.
• Small portion of meat- Chicken or beef. The chicken is always butchered slightly oddly so you never know where a bone is going to pop out. In general the chicken is normally good and cooked well. The beef is either lovely dish called seswa (again the butchered spelling) which is dried, pounded beef that has been rehydrated. It's absolutely delicious when cooked well and salty, dry, and sometimes deadly (bones, bone fragments, large pieces of cartilage to choke on) when cooked badly. The other way they cook beef is to overcook it until it's so chewy you can't bite through it and you are left with this wad of partially chewed beef that if you swallow may get lodged in your throat (in fact as I write this I think I can feel a lump of undigested mystery cut beef in my throat from lunch). 
• Even smaller portion of green veg- Spinach or rape (yes this is a vegetable, kind of resembles and tastes like kale) that was either cooked to a fine mush or is dried into what I consider horse feed and rehydrated. It's often combined with cooked onions and enough salt to make a salt lick.

Other staples:

• Coleslaw (normal coleslaw with 'tangy' mayonnaise)
• Beetroot 
• Pasta salad 
• Potato salad (more 'tangy' mayonnaise)
• Seasoned steak fries 
• Samp (think mostly whole dried, cracked corn kernals) and beans (my favorite setswana food by far)
• Russians (weird, salty sausage hotdog things)
• Phologne (pulverized meat product… Basically bologna… almost. It's an acquired taste that I hope to never, ever acquire)

All of this is followed by a toothpick because of the beef that will inevitably get caught in your teeth. 

So when I come home and you all want me to make you a traditional Swana meal just be prepared for two servings of phaleche that had to be cooked until burnt on the bottom, mystery cut beef that has been cooked until you can't cut through it without a chainsaw, and a side of salty vegetables. If I can find samp I will cook it and you will love it. 

Now the thing is Botswana has some of the best beef in the world, but two variables contribute to how horrible it ends up being rubber and bones. 

1. The cuts are horrible. Cutting against the grain is a non-concept. Actually come to think about it I'm not sure how they cut their beef. I feel like whenever I eat meat there is a mystery bone in it. I don't know where these bones are coming from or, for that matter where on the cow the beef is coming from. 

2. Most people don't know how to cook it. I'm pretty sure it's just overcooked most of the time. I have never had beef this tough in my life. I always feel like a strange animal eating beef here. You will inevitably have to use your hands to help your teeth tear at the rubbery piece of "meat". 

I do not actually eat Swana food every day or even every week but I do really enjoy it whenever I eat it. Strangely it tastes like home. I just have to learn not to eat the beef… but it's so salty and nice. 

Oh I forgot to mention fat cakes and dipapata. Fat cakes are basically slightly sweet fried dough balls and are the best things ever. Dipap (as we PCVs fondly refer to them) are more or less like english muffins except fresh and warm and delicious…er. 

FOOOOD. I would post a song here but I'm being lazy and I won't, sorry. Not that sorry.